February 22, 2001; It was a beautiful sunny day. My mom Kuenga Wangmo, my elder brother Tshering and I were in the huge blue pine forest which was just above my house in Tshotsang.
Tshotsang is a small village in Ramjar Gewog under Tashiyangtse District. There were only two households back in 2002. My mom had settled in this village after marrying her first husband, my brother’s dad. Let me tell you more about this down the storyline.
I was in mom’s womb for 8 months and 3 weeks when we were in that forest. Mom and brother were collecting a pieces of blue pine trunk which had been sliced off by the carpenters when they take the wood for housing. It was common to use those woods as firewood in those days. It was hard for my mom that day, it was a painful day for her yet she worked as usual. Brother Tshering was just 7 years old but he used to accompany mom wherever she goes.
With an intense labor pain, my mom managed to reach home. It was late afternoon when I was born. My brother was innocent and he didn’t have any idea what was happening. To be frank, I was born in Kitchen, a small room attached to a main house; wasn’t born in a hospital or on a soft bed but on a hard floor made of plank.
Approximately 9 months ago, my father and mother encountered in the present house(Tshotsang). I was wondering how he met her but they actually met here. They promised to be partners throughout their life and started their love life. Unfortunately, my father couldn’t stay as he promised and he went far away. He was one of the members in Royal Bhutan Army(RBA). He disappeared never to be seen again.
I was named Chador Dema from Bartsham Chador Lhakhang soon after my birth, since then visiting Chador Lhakhang on auspicious days for good wishes and prayers was part of my life.
As the time passed, I started to grow up. I grew up alone in the little village with my mom. A few months after I was born, brother Tshering was went far away in the west, in Mongar, to be raised by cousin brother, Tenzin. My mom had shouldered everything for my growth and development. I grew up to be a little cute girl and found out that I was the only child in the house which made me believe that I have no siblings at all.
In summer, my mom was working in the maize fields for sustaining ourselves, going for labor exchange with neighbors, and sometimes for compulsory labor for the community. In winter, she would go deep into the woods for firewood and manure collection. She was always busy working while keeping eye on me with extreme love and care. Under her loving care, I grew playing in dust with my fellow friends in the village carrying smile some days and crying the other days not knowing what was happening around me. Tshotsang village was the world I knew so far, had no idea that the bigger world exists.
My father had disappeared for so long never to be with my mom but occasionally, he used to meet with me and hand over some cash and some basic needs. However, he would neither prolong his stay with me nor visit my mom. Until the first day I encountered with him, I had no idea about father. He told me he is my father. Every time he met me and go away, I was wondering why he cannot stay with us. It wasn’t clear at all. When I was little bigger, I realized that he was already a married man with a few children in the same gewog but a different village. I was orphaned, I got to know though it was late.
Whenever I saw beautiful families and the girls of my age being held in between by mom and dad, sorrowful drenched me head to toe lasting for several days and even weeks. I wasn’t frustrated towards my father but often blamed my own fate for giving such a excruciating pain right from my early age.
As I grew older, I was being told that I also have three siblings whom I have never seen. In the winter of 2004, brother Tshering had returned for vacation after his second grade only to go back the following year. He was the first sibling I have met with. When I was 5 years, I went to Yonphula with my mom to meet eldest auntie where I meet my brother, Ugyen, an immediate elder brother who was brought up by the Auntie. It was such a happy moment to meet him. Fortunately, I also met the eldest brother, Phurpa, in Yonphula Army Camp where Grandpa and Grandpa lived but to be frank, he wasn’t friendly as I expected. Our fate has separated from each other. I even wondered whether my brothers have met each other but my mom told me they did just for short duration like me.
Life was difficult. Sad not to have father and siblings close by but satisfied as I had my loving mom for me. Nevertheless, I was enrolled in school just like anyone in the village at the age of six.
One thing I realized afterwards: Two eldest brothers didn’t have father. Their dad passed away at the age of 30. Life was better when he was alive, I heard from tearful mom. Brother Ugyen belongs to another man whom I didn’t know about. So I realized that we just have same mom. Still then, I love them with all my heart.
As the time passed, it was challenging to my mom for having me as her daughter. As I grew up, I became more demanding, arrogant and annoying. I used to cry and scream at my mom for the things I wanted until she provided. I was as cold as winter and as hot as volcanoes but my mom would always find a way to make me happy in the best possible ways. Despite I being little mad, I love my mom for she never upset me. Relatives would often scold and make me cry for demanding too much from mom but she would always be on my side.
Every winter, I used to meet brother Tshering as he came for vacation and stayed with us. Sometimes, he used to be tough on me but I love him as he was and the most familiar brother. He would spend his winter productive with us and summer would take him away.
At times, I sympathize my mom because she did everything all by herself just for me. She would worry about brothers as much as she cares me but she cannot do anything for them being thousand miles away from her heart.
Remembering my brothers, crying and demanding from mom, going to school, being with close friends, enjoying the village festivals, I became little matured as the year passed. Though I grew up with widowed mom, I was never deprived of anything I wanted.
When I was eight, mom and me got a golden opportunity, the best of all. Auntie Tsheringmo, who lives in Thimphu, had a adopted son from Norway who was a English lecturer in Sherubtse named Sangay. He took us to Dorji Den(one of the world’s best sacred places in India) for pilgrimage. However after returning, while in Thimphu, we had a huge tragedy. My mom was severely ill and diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was a hard time. Though I was small not enough to worry, I was scared a lot. Fortunately, she fought the disease well under the special management and care of the Jigme Dorji Wangchuck National Referral Hospital. If it was not brother Sangay, she would not be able to fight. She remained thankful to brother Sangay. Indeed, all families and relatives remains grateful to him including my brothers. That was the scary and tragic moment in my life but God helped me.
Revolving around the same routine, I grew up as a young teenager. The more I grew, the better I could understand my mom. I was not an arrogant and demanding girls anymore. I was matured enough to help my mom with her most challenging works in house. Growing up in the village, I was more civilized as a village girl than someone modernized but I knew that the better world exist beyond Ramjar. By then, I was thirteen years old.
I was sixteen(2017). A sweet sixteen but not as sweet as girls in Thimphu to which I have been for a few times. My eldest brother had been employed as a Junior Civil Engineer and now pursuing his degrees in College of Science and Technology, Phuntsholing about which I am happy. Unlike in the past, he has grown up as a gentle and understanding brother. Brother Tshering is still a student pursuing a medical degree in Sri Lanka, it’s been two years now. Brother Ugyen was studying in grade Eleven and I hope best out of him as well.
2018 was the year which would decide about 50% of my life, being grade ten is a constant fear but I was able to cross the barrier under mom’s care love. Eleven was not a heaven for me though many would claim it. I hated being separated from my mom for the first time in my life. Staying in Bayling Central School was the worst experience ever despite surrounded by good friends.
A couple of months ago, I was severely ill. I had a bad abdominal pain associated with nausea, fatigue and headache. Avoiding spicy foods and drinking water and milk made me feel better. I accompanied my mother to Thimphu Hospital once again but this time both of us were patients. I was diagnosed with Peptic Unlcer Disease. It’s a serious condition if not treated well so was prescribed some pills for few weeks. I have to restrict spicy hot food and snacks as well.
Today I am here sitting near the window and jotting down my story. Tsenkharla(a large village opposite Drangme Chhu facing towards Ramjar) is at its best view at the moment. 2020 would be deciding about 80% of my life but just like all of you, I am stuck here in village due to the global crisis COVID-19 not knowing how the future would be, however, hoping for better days ahead. As you all know that my life revolves around my mom and brothers, I cannot do anything at the moment but to think about them time and again.
Born to a humble widow, grew up fatherless, entered teenage without birthday celebrations and separated from the siblings by fate for about nineteen years now, I am one among thousands who yearns to have a happy togetherness one fine day with my beloved ones.
Songs and music accompany me and heals my pains. Having fun with my beloved mom is the most interesting moment I love to cherish everyday. Misunderstanding with friends and being hurt by others make me sad but the saddest part of my life is having a single parent but lucky to have born in peaceful Bhutan my a God mom. I aspire to become teacher but whatever makes me independent and satisfies my mom would be enough. Having three brothers gives me hope to continue my journey and feel better when I think they would be in service to my God mom soon.
