Chapter Two: The Phone Calls of Pain: When Silence Speaks Louder

Dear Nightmare, 

It was the darkest night of my life. I saw my wife in tears. I asked her why she was crying. I asked her why she was upset. Are you sick?

“Nothing happened”, the response ended in this short statement too short to understand the whole story. 

Tonight, I am writing to you, dear nightmare. I was never wrong. I was wronged by the brutal mentality that keeps appearing, reminding me of how bad I am. 

She talks with her sister over the phone. There are so many valid points made by her sister. What surprised me was how she tells all the reasons for being sad, so clearly to her sister even without being asked while it was just ‘Nothing happened’ when I asked. 

I understand she is pregnant and she can have mood swings, however, I cannot help myself that evening. She was feeling sick that evening. I just finished my office work at 3:00 pm sharp and rushed home hurriedly so that I could prepare myself for a Khuru Match that was planned for 3:15 pm. No sooner had I reached home than I saw her sleeping cocooned under the blankets, only to see her upset and face frowned. After I returned from the Khuru match that evening, she wasn’t talking as before. A moment later, she was on the phone with her sister again. Why should I always hear unhappiness from them? My wife says, “This life is just painful. I am done with this life.” I don’t understand what she is trying to say by that statement. For the past few years, I believe, I have tried myself to be humble and supportive but it was not noticed.

She describes so many things about how miserable her life is, which I am always used to for a year now. She is never happy with me. “Such things will happen anytime, you have to understand it and move on. If you feel sick, have some healthy soup.”, I heard her sister saying. They are still on the phone. “What kind of soup are you referring to? Perhaps, I might have to make soup out of my leg.” As a husband, I have once again felt this pain. I have tried giving whatever I can but the way she says and the tone she uses it made me feel that I have given her nothing to eat and drink. 

I understand that pregnancy can make women crazy and emotionally sensitive but I could make out from years of our interaction that she will never change those feelings of dissatisfaction even after the pregnancy. When your wife is not satisfied with the life she lives, what will you feel as a husband? When every single word she utters is about how pathetic her life is, will you feel happy about it? Would you not regret that you have failed yourself as a husband. Moreover, a wife of a doctor saying those bitter words would really kill that doctor. 

“You come here to babysit my baby, I can find a job so that we can have enough money and live the life we want”, She tells her sister via phone. What is this called? Am I nothing to her? Can’t we handle this baby? Whatever I have right now isn’t enough to meet her expectations? Thousands of thoughts clicked my mind. No matter how beautiful you want to live your life with your spouse, when what your spouse thinks is all negative and often feels pathetic, how can you sustain your feeling of motivation?. I can’t hold this anymore. If God gives me another chance, I am ready to take that new chance.